burb-day

 hello hello!! I have decided that its finally time to revive this blog. I'm sweeping away the cobwebs, I'm revamping this baby till I get bored lmfao. 

Anyways... hmmmmm nothing really interesting happened in my life to be honest. Not to say I'm stagnant or what, how to be stagnant when you're swamped with the reality of adulthood wtf. 

Hmm, I did started collecting manga recently. I didn't really have much hobbies apart from gaming after quitting dancing (Not for good, but for now wtf). I've also realised I spent a shit ton of time and money on people that take it for granted, so.. I was like yeah fuck it, let's treat myself this time. 

It has only expanded ever since.

I did celebrate my birthday recently! Okay I can share about that lmfao. 

So, on my birthday itself, I... stayed home. LOL. No really, I stayed home for most of it and just enjoyed some alone time before my friends came over for dinner. Thats the best shit honestly, it gets to a point where you try to salvage your social battery as much as possible and I would rather enjoy my alone time than deal with people. Maybe this is why I'm meant to stay single LMFAO. I mean, not that I'm complaining, quite the opposite actually heh. 

So, the day prior to my birthday, I actually streamed on Trovo. I mean, the best way to celebrate is with the best mods and viewers hehe. Oh yes I forgot to mention that I stream on Trovo too! Not very often, unfortunately, adulting calls, but I try to do it when I ain't too tired. You can find me at https://trovo.live/Nokcha hehe. I streamed again the next morning but I didn't do it for long. Tbh I only did it to get that free gifted sub from Trovo LOL. 

Next day, I got a ton of cakes and pastries from my lovely friends and colleagues hehe

From my lovely tiny ratch!

Tarts from my colleague!

Cakes and cinnamon bread from Irinie!

Ice cream cake from Ash!

So so good omg. At night, Ash and Rach came over for dinner and more cake!

Ash got me this Hersheys Kisses eyeshadow palette from Etude House! Ngl I wanted to get it but I was broke so I told myself to skip this collection LOL

SO PRETTY and it smells like choco wtf

Dinner timeeeee I was so hungry pls I usually eat dinner around 5.30pm (tragic i know) and it was alr 8.30pm ish 

sambal stingray!!

seafood fried rice!!

sambal kangkong!!

So spicy but so gooooood! 

Ngl, I did feel a tiny bit of sadness. It was definitely inevitable la, it won't go away so easily. But it was one of the rare birthdays where I genuinely enjoyed myself and had a good time. So I was incredibly appreciative and thankful for that day. 

Okay, then then then, I met Irinie on Monday for a full day out with her!

yes I got myself nezuko inspired nails stfu i love her okay

We met at around 1230pm for brunch at Walking on Sunshine! Fantastic ambience and very friendly staff y'all! The only sorta annoying thing was that the dried flowers from the deco kept dropping on the table lmfao. 

Sweet potato fries were so gooood 

butter cream latte and dalgona latte!

i think this was bulgogi fettuccine cream pasta

Irinie got herself the mushroom open faced toast!

PLS THEY HAD THIS CAR CHAIR ITS SO VINTAGE I LOVE IT

After stuffing ourselves with good food, we made our way to the national museum! I'm a sucker for these kinda things so I really enjoyed myself in there.

Gotta take an OOTD for my bby cuz she's the best bestie ever sobs

old Japanese stamps during WWII!

old mahjong tiles that women used to play!!

there was a photobooth for $5!

Geez do I even know how to blog anymore??? Well okay at this point I think I had filled my exercise quota for the next 3 months. I don't go out often okay I'm like a hybrid otaku lmfao. I cancel plans to stay home and sleep pls wtf. 

But we made our way to Bugis to visit the Cat cafe!

grumpy!

We didn't really stay long cuz around 6pm the kitties were having their meal time, so we just left for dinner too! 

Went to Tanuki Raw for some good dinner and cocktails to end the night!

their gin & tonic was gross it tasted like lime rinds wtf

It was a really tiring but fulfilling day! I can really talk to Irinie about anything for hours on end. Sometimes I wonder if she's sick of my voice lmfao but too late she's stuck with me we've been friends for too long alr hehe (I think almost 14/15 years?) 

I also met up with a long lost friend too! 

Pork belly confit!

So so gooood omg. I haven't met JY in forever but he's finally back in SG! He also gave me a Chanel lipstick but I forgot to take a photo whoops. Will wear it out soon tho! 

Well, that concludes this post! I don't even know how to end this off anymore wtf. How did I do this again? Ah welp, hope y'all have a great day today! See you next time! byebyeeee hehe

Karma?

 Wow, I truthfully never thought I would be posting back in this blog. But.. I realised I don't really have anywhere to pen my thoughts without a slew of people questioning me. So, back to this page I go LOL. 

Well, how has life been? It's shit rn tbh. TLDR, I got cheated on, decided to give the dude a second chance, got basically fucked over cuz he still chose the girl he cheated on me with. Yep. Humour has been a great way of coping but not this time. Cuz I've been doing a lot of self-reflections and questioning a lot of things. The more I use humour to cope the more I crash and relapse wtf. 

Well, to start off, I wasn't given proper closure I guess? I never really knew the reason for why I was fucked over this badly. I've always thought if I just give and continue to give without expecting anything except the bare minimum, then idk my feelings would be reciprocated? But I guess it got too suffocating. Idk. I'm either really overthinking hard rn or I've really gone and done this to myself the past 2 years oof. 

I'm not exactly sure why I took this breakup so fucking hard till I was reading Dangerous Convenience Store and this panel came up.

It hit like a shit ton of bricks. But then I got to thinking, was it really regret? Or was it more of my pride/dignity that got bruised because I wasn't the one ultimately chosen? Idk. It feels like a mixture of both. 2 years, of being hidden, treated like the last priority, accepting the insults thrown at me silently by both his company and the girl and choosing not to fight back. Accepting the lies without question, and always putting him first before anyone else. Waiting for that shitass approval from his boss/company and just ultimately waiting for that miracle to happen. 

All because I alone wanted it to work, not him. But it just stabbed me in the ass cuz reality hit that I was just an option. I was just something to tide him over till he could go for someone else. 

Did it hurt? Yeah it obviously did. I was just too blinded by everything else to see it I guess. God dammit it still hurts. I'm just using sheer willpower to not acknowledge its existence. 

People say healing takes time. Yeah it really does. It sucks that everyone is already expecting me to move on and be fine with it. Friends have been telling me its already been 'so long' and that I shouldn't even think about it anymore. Yeah, I guess it makes sense. I shouldn't. But what do you do when it comes back in waves every now and then?

Well.. I've.. subconsciously decided. Prolly cuz when the dude mentioned the breakup, he actually said and I quote "I'm not even sure if we were even together the past 2 years, I was never fair to you." ouch. cuts deep. pain 10/10 do not recommend. 

Anyways, yeah, I've subconsciously decided and accepted that, we were just never together in the first place and it was my own misunderstanding. I misunderstood that we were dating exclusively and that we were even together at all. It was really just a friends with benefits kinda thing I guess? So, my fault for thinking otherwise and putting in so much effort for a friend that was so replaceable. 

I've also gotten a lot of questions from friends as to why I refuse to expose this person. Why I'm willing to let him live his life and move on as if nothing has happened. Its a stupid excuse yes, but hear me out alright. I.. know he wants his parents to retire and live comfortably without thinking of expenses. So, in order to not jeopardise his career, I've decided to just forget about it, just so he can finally ensure his parents can retire comfortably without worries. 

Stupid reason? Yes. It most prolly is. But I don't want to damage someone's reputation and livelihood even if they damaged my mental health and physical state. I refuse to, I'm shitass too nice of a person to do that. The guilt will eat me alive. I've always wondered when and how will karma work, but the more I wonder, the more I relapse. So I just decided not to. I can let my brain wander and shit, but ultimately, I have moved on from most of it. 

It was a shitty first relationship. But at least I've learnt my lesson. And uh.. I'm too traumatised to get into another one for now. So fuck that. 

Taipei, Taiwan: Day 3

Hallo! I finally found the motivation to finish up my Taiwan trip! I think its mainly because I'm going there again soon with my parents and I need a refresher wtf.

#1

Woke up that day and decided to finally be alittle prettier for once wtf. Ended up changing into a warmer sweater by the end of the day anyways fml. 

Anyways! It FINALLY STOPPED RAINING omg holy cow I swear. However, as soon as the rain stopped the cold came in which sucked cuz we really didn't prepare that much for the cold weather (Case in point the photo above) but issokay there's shopping for a reason wtf. 

#2

Decided to head to Zhongxiao Fuxing station to grab some hearty Taiwan breakfast at Yong He Soy Milk King (永和豆漿大王). Tbh I have completely forgotten how to go there wtf. But to be fair, I wasn't the one leading the way this time LOL.

#3

All I remember was that we had to walk for a damn long time in the cold before we actually reached the restaurant wtf.

#4

#5

Got ourselves some hot soy milk, radish cake and eggs to start the day right. Tbh I wasn't really feeling the dishes, but its prolly personal preference.

Anyways, after eating, we decided to head down to Songjiang Nanjing to walk around and digest le food. But to be honest, the walk back to the subway station prolly already did the digesting for us wtf.

#6 Got myself some milk tea latte

We wanted to shop around but none of the clothes really appealed to us so we just decided to go get lunch then.

#7 At TankQ Cafe!

Their food are freshly prepared upon order, so be prepared for a 30 mins wait.

#8 Idk who this is but I had fun stirring her brains

#9

Got ourselves some luggage lunch right there. It was pretty good, although it definitely created loads of baggage in our stomach.

#10 The array of toys surrounding the cafe is pretty splendid too

To be honest, we didn't really do much after that, we actually went back to Ximending to shop for abit for more winter-ish clothes before retreating back to our hotel wtf.

We nua-ed till about 4pm? before making our way to Jiantan station for Shilin Night Market! I love night markets omg the street food is just bombbbb wtf.

Oh yes and I changed into a thicker sweater, I love the cold but my body no wtf.

Time for some food spam:

#11 Deep fried milk!

#12 Grilled conch! OMG THIS WAS SO GOOD

#13 Errr pig blood cake yeh didn't like this one

#14 GRILLED OCTOPUS

#15 Grilled prawns with cheese and pepper hnnnng

#16 冰糖葫蘆!

#17 Got us some crepe cuz the dude at the counter kept asking us to buy LOL

#18

As you can see by the end of the night my fringe was just uncurled and a devastating mess. Nonetheless I really enjoyed walking around Shilin and enjoy ze food!

We did head back to Ximending after that... to eat more LOL.

#19 Yam ice cream with peanut toffee and cilantro!

#20 Grilled oysters with cheese! We brought it back home from Shilin LOL

Anyways, that sums up Day 3 of Taipei! I definitely gained a few KGs that day... and the days to come but whatever! Ish good food!

Annyeong!