In The Past

Hello fellow readers. I just came back from my confirmation camp ^_^ It was an awesome experience and I can't wait for tomorrow's confirmation. Anyways, when my mum fetched me from my church yesterday, I was talking to her about the camp, and how one particular incident pissed me off.

Me: I can't believe he said that la! Its so mean!
Mum: You know mei, sometimes you need to ignore the bad things and hear the good stuff
Me: *grumble*
Mum: You think I never had these before? I suffered so much under my mother in law (My grandma) before I had you and Kane you know.
Me: *Huh?*

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS LONG AND KINDA BORING.


So basically this is what she told me:

"When I got married to your father right, his mother treat me like shit you know. Every time go KL, have to cook, fold clothes and more other chores. I was not pregnant for 10 years with your father, and your grand mother told one of her daughters in Cantonese that if I cannot bear a child, your father has the right to have a 2nd wife. I was so hurt but I pretended not to hear. Then one day, I went to KL for a reunion dinner. Your grandmother didn't even cook anything and told me to cook. You know that my mother always cook for the family. So I had no experience in cooking at all. So I quickly call your grandmother in Singapore and she taught me lo. Then, when I was pregnant with Kane, we went to a reunion dinner in KL again. When we reached around evening, your grandmother didn't even cook anything and she told me that if we want to eat, we just grab something from the fridge and cook. But it was already evening and the guests were arriving. So  no time to cook. Plus I was pregnant and I need to eat. So your father suggested go to a Chinese restaurant to eat. But because it was CNY, all the Chinese restaurants were closed. Luckily got one chinese steamboat restaurant, so we eat there. Then I told your father that this is the last time I'm doing this. I'm not coming KL for a reunion dinner again."

At this point I was already tearing up.. then she continued:

"Then right, when I gave birth to Kane, Wah. Your grandmother come to Singapore with all the other relatives and visit me in the hospital. But when I gave birth to you, nobody from KL came to visit you know. Why? Because you're a girl and your grandmother wanted a boy in the family"

I was crying silently at the back of the car at this moment. Why? Because I always thought that my Malaysian relatives treat me with more respect than my Singaporean relatives. But after I heard this, I felt so... hurt. I knew that what my mother has gone through can never be replaced by my constant sufferings. But I never expected every relative I have in my family to treat me like some.. outsider. Its bad enough that my catechism class treats me and my best friend like outsiders too, but this? I was so upset and I didn't want to let my mother see me crying, because I promised her that I would try not to cry anymore. I knew that last time having a boy in the family means good luck and having a girl means disaster will strike the family. But I thought that my family was lucky as no one treated me like that except for my Singaporean relatives. But after hearing this from my mother... I felt so.. hurt and confused.

I really contemplated posting this. Because it was something very personal to my mother. But after a while, I decided to because I want people to understand what women go through. Especially your mother. I don't know much about being a mother because I'm still young and single, but after hearing this, I definitely changed for the better. I try to be more patient with my mother's nagging and listen to her and obey her more. I wanted to apologise to her as well.. but I can't do it. Its not because I have pride. My pride is way long gone. I just am unable to express myself through words. Therefore I showed it through actions.

Its true though. I never ever experienced a relative's love. I never felt it before. I always see my realtives showering love on my brother, but never to me. They always treat me as an.. outsider.

I'm sorry for writing such a random and weird blogpost. But I really needed to let this one out. Sorry..